Usual Heart • 平常心

Hello, my name is Halden Levin, and you are listening to Little Dragon’s Journey. 你好！我叫李靜辰，你正在聽小龍的旅程。

Transition Music（音樂）

As I mentioned last week, on January 13, 2021, our travel to Taiwan that was planned to occur on January 22, 2021, was delayed. The travel delay led me to develop an increased interest in the word 平常心, a word I had learned just the day before the announcement. The meaning of 平常心 and why it became something of interest and importance will become clear in just a bit, so hang in tight. It will all become clear in a just a moment.

On January 12th, our NSLI-Y cohort was required to attend the second Pre-Departure Orientation Zoom call. At the beginning of the meeting, Alexander, one of the individuals helping coordinate our program, asked us to share a little about how we were feeling. When it was my turn, I only said I felt “relatively calm,” which I think, as with then, that’s my baseline feeling. There is so much happening in the world that makes me anxious and upset and angry and all those emotions and more, but I’ve learned overtime that controlling your external environment isn’t always possible. You have to create a calm in the storm, a calm rooted deep inside of you.

More people shared their thoughts and feelings, and it was during this time that 平常心 was mentioned. The word 平常心 immediately caught my attention, as it reminded me of the fledging Zen practice I’ve begun to develop. However, it wasn’t until the travel delay notification was released the following day that I began to deeply consider the meaning of 平常心.

At the time the travel delay notification was released, I was actually in the process of completing a SMART goals worksheet about what I planned to accomplish during the first month in Taiwan. Around the time I was finishing up, I saw the notification. Even though I knew our travel was delayed and the possibility of not traveling was also real, I decided to share my goals with the iEARN NSLI-Y Team, those coordinating our program, with a short message:

Hello Kyle, Ligaya, and Alexander,

I was just finishing this worksheet up when I saw the travel delay notice.

We're all disappointed but are incredibly grateful for your continued help

and support and are hopeful for the possibility of travel in the future.

Even though we're not traveling next week, I thought I would share my goals

anyway. And thanks for sharing 平常心 yesterday Ligaya; it's certainly the

calm and balance we need right now.

Best,

Halden

Now, that’s not the last time 平常心 was on my mind. On January 14th, I emailed Nyoze, the vice abbot at the Sonoma Mountain Zen Center, since he had offered to send me off before I left the country. My simple message became longer and deeper, and after an hour, I sent him the following:

Dear Nyoze,

I just wanted to let you know that my group’s plan to travel to Taiwan has been delayed. As I mentioned during our dokusan, while excited for this opportunity, I also understand the added uncertainty due to the ongoing pandemic. The Taiwan CDC decided that, although they support our program and would like for us to have the opportunity to come to Taiwan, we will likely have to wait until after the Chinese New Year for safety reasons. Taiwan has done such a wonderful job managing the COVID situation, and I fully understand and respect their decision.

There are two reasons why I wanted to let you know, one of course being that you offered to meet with me next week before I was supposed to leave the country. The other reason is this word: 平常心 (píng cháng xīn).

Before the travel delay notification was released, I had learned 平常心 from one of the individuals coordinating our program. Although difficult to translate, to the best of my understanding, 平常心 means to be balanced on a spiritual level, at peace with yourself even as external circumstances change for the perceived better or worse. Literally, 平常 means “usually” and 心 means “heart,” so 平常心 is “usually heart” or more likely “usual heart.” Just as another source, my Chinese dictionary says 平常心 means levelheadedness, calmness, or equanimity, three words that are kind of related but also quite different in regard to their level of depth.

When I saw the travel delay notification yesterday afternoon, I initially felt disappointment and emotional exhaustion, but I didn’t feel overly upset; unlike some of the others in my group, I didn’t cry or let the news disturb my workflow or plans for the day. Before my evening Chinese class, as I usually do, I prepared a cup of tea, and while waiting for the water to boil, I began to dance around while listening to some of my favorite music. Instead of upset, I felt an unexplainable sort of happiness and gratitude. I certainly won’t deny that I feel a little disappointed, but as with then, I feel happiness in this moment.

Reflecting on this moment of unexplainable glee, I am reminded of 平常心. During our dokusan, you mentioned how zazen is a lifelong practice and how it can help us live in this reality. From what I can tell, 平常心 is something that can be cultivated through zazen, something that we strive to root deep in ourselves so as to live balanced and freely. Five or so months of zazen has helped me begin this process, a process I strive to continue.

While I was listening to Hoitsu Suzuki-roshi’s Dharma Talk, I decided to write 平常心 over and over and over with some calligraphy-brush-like markers I have on hand. Attached is the result.

Gassho,

Halden

The story of 平常心 doesn’t end there. With an autobiography assignment due for the Global Gap Year Fellowship on January 15, my meditation on 平常心 became an ending to my story, and on January 16, during the Sonoma Mountain Zen Center’s Saturday Community, I wrote 平常心 repeatedly once more to be sent in a number of letters waiting in a pile on my desk.

I suppose 平常心 is the word of the month. To remain calm in the everchanging landscape of life is a strength like no other.

Transition Music（音樂）

Please visit haldenlevin.wixsite.com/littledragonjourney to access the transcript of this episode, and know you are always welcome to contact me through my website, email, or social media. Thank you for joining Little Dragon’s Journey. 謝謝你們參加小龍的旅程。拜拜！